I was born on the 13th July 1972 in Harare, Zimbabwe, to an English father and a South African mother. I was given the name Catherine Jane and became an inquisitive little girl. From an early age I was captured by the question of life and spent many hours in nature, watching the world at work. I had a fascination with everything around me, curious about what things were and how they worked. I began writing at the age of 5, journals, stories and poetry have been a constant throughout my life. I have travelled many miles and I have learned a lot about life in the past 46 years, though my questions are neverending. I currently live in South Africa, on the South Coast in KwaZulu Natal. My son lives and is schooled in Switzerland, where I lived with my son and ex-husband for 6 years.
Orientation is – for the most part – something to do with where you were, where you are – and the why of those both.
The inbetween that there might perchance happenstance to be – of which there may be no specific coordinates, or recollection – is immaterial when you are where you chance upon happening to find yourself where you should.
Measuring mettle and all that black cutlery calling the crockery crooked (by way of complementing the return of the back-handed slap-compliment) is the price for piggy-backing the Sphinx in any instance.
Anybody worth their fettering knows that, particularly those who don’t know where or wheren’t they were, or weren’t, going in the first place.
And once upon an ever-Mañana that never came, I might have the equipment I require to blog on something other than an Android.
Maybe … although having asked so many times for what is mine to be returned to me (my computer, my earnings, etc) so I can continue my work in conditions more conducive to cultivating the necessary motivation to do so – and having been fake-promised so many times that such would indeed be the case, maybe not …
It has been a nagging feeling for some time now, the feeling that I am being used as live bait. For some big fucking fish or something. But I am a cat. Cats catch fish, whatever bait was taken. That is perhaps the first thing any ‘Big Fish’ must learn before it swings trapeze on a feline string. Cats will not necessarily eat the fish they catch, not all cats eat sushi. Cats are natural hunters. They will take a fish out of water from time to time and simply watch it flap around for a while. If they get hungry, they might kill it and eat it. Or they might not. They might instead turn it into five thousand loaves of bread for the soup kitchen. I suppose when intelligence was allocated fish were measured on their ability to climb trees. A wise fish would have opted for wings, in that instance. Like a wise pirate walking his own gangplank would opt for a mermaid rather than a flying fish when he leaps into the sea. No. Virgil never had any issues with mermaids. He was a close friend of Poseidon’s Trident, which meant he could breathe underwater. So, it would seem, could his parrot, else it would not be perched on his shoulder today squawking for cocktails.
Ask any macaw about a squawking parrot and a cocktail, they will tell you whether Virgil and the Pirate prefer pinacoladas to margueritas or whether you can expect a storm in your teacup. The last I heard, birds of a feather flocked wherever. Unless they were homing pigeons. In which case they would have gone straight home to their loft and done some flocking. There is no point in being lost when you don’t know where you are. When getting lost, be sure to take yourself with you. That is the safest way to make your loss into a find. Taking yourself with you does not mean neglecting your own attendance, it means you become very adept at choosing your moments to go and get lost. For instance, you would not want to go and get lost in a moving Bermuda Triangle. You would need to know when the Triangle was going to move so as not to get lost in its transition. Without that key information? I would not suggest flying into a triangle.
The year 2016 is seeing itself out. That is a good thing. Each year is accountable for its achievements and it is pleasing to see this year has been no exception with regards the measurement and presentation thereof. In fact, this has been such an interesting year that I cannot wait for next year to begin demonstrating its prowess. It is bound to be a great deal better than 2016, and for evolution’s sake – it better had be.
You cannot outgrow evolution, no matter how hard you rail against its changes. That is the good news. And more is the question, why would anyone want to? Evolution got us here in the first place. Kick against its change and it will kick you straight back into the caves to hunt berries and chip flint.
Those who have hearts will recognise the familiar deep ache that signifies the alignment between the longing and the longed-for. A heart grown of patient longing for the long-awaited is not a weak heart. It is the heart made stronger than the divide between the two. That strength not only generates an unbreakable bond linking the beginning of the longing and the end of its trajectory, it provides both sides with the power to align at any point with one another – regardless of space or time – and find their way home to belonging.
A heart that longs is naturally a pained heart. It is apt to be so. A self denied is a tortured soul indeed and I suspect that this, for many who soon realise they have rejected their own essence, will in due course become patently clear. Perhaps that is why most people will do anything to distract themselves from the actuality that an age-old longing pre-exists every one of us, and is inherent in each of ourselves. That longing in itself alone is the reason we are actually here and it would be wise for you to try and remember at least that.
The Heart’s Longing is an inspiration, its manifestation a miracle. Implicit trust, the application of absolute faith in the pure heart’s true vision and the willingess to serve its subsequent longing is what finds you the necessary capacity to match the laws of attraction resonating from the beginning of the longed-for’s trajectory.
Wisdom evolves in the way all things that evolve, do. That is its wisdom. There is profound clarity in the statement: ‘Wisdom is choosing now what will make sense later.’ That later – when it comes – will provide in its demonstration evidence of wisdom’s consistent evolution. Wisdom trusts instinct. Instinct stems from experience. From time to time it bypasses instinct on its Wisdom Business of researching some learning and as such, focussing on the horizon, it trips over a growth node. That Wisdom has tripped once (or so) is not of much consequence in the big picture. In the big picture space has been made for tripping. Besides, trip-wires are made to be tripped over. It is how you fall that matters, and whether or not you get up.
It would seem that we do not all subscribe to the same Wisdom System. That is a good thing. I trust in what I trust, I believe what I do. That is because I have time-trialed my years and let them come to their own conclusions. It makes sense to work your learning to your advantage, given that true learning does not come easily. Being ‘at an advantage’ does not – in this context – mean that you will find yourself in a privileged position through virtue of your learning, it means that you will find yourself in the perfect position to do what it is in your life that needs doing. The degree of personal work you did with the experiences you chose to have determines your capacity to handle further learning. Handling capacity is what further learning is all about and a life without further learning is pointless.
Naturally, Time’s Wisdom flies. If it was always to walk, it might miss some of its own most important points. It is important to understand that although Wisdom is conveyed by every language on the planet it does not rely on verbal communication. That is why the link between Wisdom and instinct is a strong one. Some things you know. And when you know that you know them, then is when you learn the extent of your experiences’ evolution.
Keeping track is not simply a matter of following a prescribed path. It is a matter of knowing where your boundaries are, setting them, and then strengthening them. Know that boundaries are not synonymous with borders. Keeping track is about staying the distance to keep clear the path ahead. It is about creating the freedom for whatever you have on track to push boundaries without losing inherent sense of where the yet-unmapped path goes. If you keep track, you cannot forget where you – or the path – are going.
Keeping ‘track’ of things is at times helpful. At other times it is pointless. Be very careful should you decide to keep track of matters that do not concern you. You are wasting headspace storing facts and figures that are not beneficial to your own future and I, for one, would question the intentions of any person who chooses to keep track of another’s business when said facts and figures are not of any benefit to anyone other than the one whose business it is.
I would suggest finding for yourself a steady track upon which to launch your trajectory. Once you get your sea-legs, as such, the track’s undulations will not much bother you – you will take the rough and the smooth in your stride. When you can trust your legs to go the distance no matter where your trajectory ends up taking you, your sense of direction intensifies. When that happens, keep track.
There are important questions about the history of things. Like: which is at a greater altitude, Seventh Heaven or Cloud Nine? I suspect the answer to that, is that it depends from which direction you are coming. Unless Seventh Heaven is ON Cloud Nine, in which case it wouldn’t matter with which you collided first. It would seem to me that both are places of interest that I would have added to my travel agenda when the time came for me to decide where in the world I would still most like to visit. That choosing holds true. A simple shift in the location of those places will not change the Nature of the Truth.
We should all have a bucket-list of interesting places we want to get to before we die. We should also have that all-essential fuck-it list of disinterest to remind us of exactly where we don’t want to go. In the long run, that fuck-it list is a great convenience, and it saves time. When we know before going where it is that we do not want to be, then we can with wholly open hearts expend our valuable energies on getting to exactly where it is that we DO want to be. Keep interest, guide your time wisely and our searching hours will never be wasted. Ever.
If you are not sure what your interests are, or when you need to find places of interest for yourself, try reading your planet through your heart. It will tell you where you still need to be and what you still need to see. Where you want to be is another important aspect to consider. Perhaps the wanting to be in one place and the need to be in another is why the discipline of Quantum Physics was given to scientists. Perhaps it is also why time travels as fast as it does. And time is no illusion. It is why it is possible to be in two places at one time.
It has been suggested that I could get lost in a cardboard box. I suppose I could. It would depend, however, on whose box it was and how much space it held. I wouldn’t want to lose myself in a shoebox, for instance. Unless it held a pair of Ziggy Stardust’s boots, in which case I would not mind. In other words: choose carefully whose shoes you chuck out of the box before you get lost in it.
Orientating yourself when you know from which direction you are coming is one thing, it is quite another being equipped to orientate yourself without it mattering. It is helpful in either instance to have at least one reference point upon which you can rely without hesitation, should such become necessary. It is important to remember that reference points are not necessarily always fixed. They are on occasion in flux. And that is the crux.
It would seem to me that best orientation for each of us stems from where we truly originate, i.e. where we come from. Where our home is. Wherever we find ourselves in the world, there is that unfailing lifeline that will orientate a lost heart and guide it back to where it belongs. The journey home is one that a true heart will not hesitate to take should the need arise for its repatriation. A true heart trusts the call of community.
When you hear the words ‘at a loss’ tossed around, remember that the phrase need not be interpreted negatively. The statement indicates that in order for whomever it is to ‘be at a loss’ they have come to realise that prior to their now they had something of great value that they no longer have – and will not get again. At least these people have the good grace to recognise their catastrophic failure to hold on to whatever that ‘thing’ of value was. This is helpful because by facing that failure they are opening their own minds to the actuality of their loss and they are accepting that there is no alternative but to move on without it, wherever that ‘on’ might be. That moving on – in itself – will hopefully bring them to a place of healing, a place where they can begin making amends to their discarded hearts. When you have something of value and you deliberately trash it because of your deluded stupidity, please remember that you are destroying only your own peace of mind – not that of any other. Understanding that actuality is where the word ‘accountability’ steps in. And those ‘at a loss’ will be held accountable – every single one of them.
‘At a loss’ is at times a distinctly fiscal description. For those shackled by the big bad world of finance, greed and ill-gotten gains – being ‘at a loss’ is terrifying news. In the lives of those types, the prospect of watching the numbers that gave them ‘status’ and defined their very existence whittle themselves from billions down to nothing can cause immeasurable stress, coupled with a debilitating fear – and those diseases combined can have disastrous effects. Usually – after hiding denial behind numerous lies, those ‘at a loss’ will start immediately their relentless search for ‘The Perpetrator of Their Misfortunes’ with a ‘no holds barred’ sort of blame-game. Unable to accept that they are ultimately responsible for their own drastic ‘losses’ they will flail around trying to find a fall-guy on whom to pin their fall-out, a scapegoat on which to strap their parachutes. Thereafter, when their fall-guy flies and their parachutes fail to open, they will descend into a state of chaotic desperation. In that state, those types are dangerous. They have sold their souls, i.e. their futures, and will attempt anything in order to restore the balance they imagine they had. It is best to leave them to it. Their wasted efforts expose them further and once totally exposed they will know to refrain from bitching and whining – which is a relief to us all.
Being ‘at a loss’ for words is not synonymous with being speechless. It depends upon what your intentions are. I choose to think that being wordless means that you in fact have a great deal to say, but in certain situations elect to stay silent because the people to whom you should direct certain words are a waste of the energy it would take to utter them. Direct your energy wisely. Those ‘at a loss’ will suffer, too, those protracted silences. Like they will suffer the ‘speechlessness’ that comes with the realisation that the words they never heard cannot ever be respoken – no matter how often they try to read them out loud. It’s all in the timing – and that is not the first time I have said that. Incidentally – those self-same words will not be heard, now, either – no matter which ears the speechless think their ‘right’ words might reach. It’s all in the tone of the say-so and the nature of the hearing ears. The say-so of the speechless, sadly, has no resonance and resonance – like Love – is not a commodity, no matter what your fiscal description.