Blame – Blog No. 31

FingerPointingThe very first thing you need to understand about blame is that it is a waste of your time.  It is absolutely pointless.  Do not weaken your standpoint in life by whining about who did what.  You allow what happens to you to happen to you.  Understand this.  Take accountability, do not lay blame.  The power in taking accountability will make itself apparent in your everyday.  Be proud of who you are, what you believe and why you choose to do what you do.  Taking accountability is empowering.  It is not a punishment.  It is standing up and saying, ‘Yes.  That was me.’  That is self-awareness.  Self-belief.  Recognition.  Have faith in your actions, your (mis)deeds, your subconscious striving for actualisation.  The striving keeps us alive and faith in yourself is never wasted.  You must take accountability for your thoughts, too.  I would like to point out that it does help – both yourself and others – if you would add to your statement of fact, ‘… and my reasons for doing said such and such, were …’.  Give reasons willingly.  They help with clarity.  I have learned that in most instances it is a waste of time to hide your justifications.  We all have that painful desire to justify our existence.  It’s there.  It is a part of wanting to be understood.  We would all like to feel understood, it’s a deep-seated need.  How many people have you trusted with your insides?  We cannot know someone or understand them until they have shown us their insides.  That is how it is.

Remember that taking accountability is not taking responsibility.  Responsibility is a whole different kettle of fish.  It depends on your need to play the martyr – and we all have that tendency at times – as to how much responsibility you will take on that is not yours to carry.  Only carry what is yours.  You must understand that you are not responsible for another’s reality.  You are not responsible for the illusion they are living.  You are not responsible for their existence.  Until you can consciously penetrate another’s thoughts you are not in any way responsible for their thinking, either.  Know that.   A person’s choices are their’s alone and for those choices they will pay penalties or reap rewards when the time comes.  And the time is coming.  Soon we will find ourselves blending with the futures we have selected for ourselves.  It will be interesting to see who is happy with their lot and who is not.  Should you not be happy with how your future is going to look – given that its reality is based on your projections at present – then you had better start shifting your mindset.  That starts with realising who you are at this moment and being proud of the person you have become.  Know that personal pride is not a waste of time.  You did not get to where you are by accident.  Please remember that you are always becoming.  That is evolution.  That is going forwards, meeting your real self (time and again) – and reaching your full potential.  Reaching your full potential is what you are here to do.  So do it.


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8 responses to “Blame – Blog No. 31

  1. i read and understand the entire article and i really enjoyed it to be honest. lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email

  2. you have awesome ideas that you know how to express in so easy way. lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email

  3. CJ. Yes – we are the result of our past choices. If we wish to change our present, our NOW, we must make different and more effective choices going forward. Same seeds – same fruit! It’s as simple as that! Blessings to you and yours!

  4. Luke

    CJ, Two quick questions because they are the key points to what you are saying is most important in a person’s life:

    1. The evolution of “becoming” you refer, is that something we choose as a vision and life’s mission–do we have an objective at what we choose to become or is it random, the result of a series of consequences? and

    2. Is the answer to “What is my purpose in life?” to simply reach “my full potential”?

    I would enjoy hearing your follow-through thoughts on both. Thanks

    • I’d say that the purpose of being is to reach our full potential, yes. To reach that space where we are fully-extended existentially is what we are born to do. We are not taught motivation, though. That has to come from within.
      I cannot advocate pure fatalism, although I do believe in its actuality. It has a place in our worlds when we have no choice other than to trust that we knew before we returned what we were in for. Trust in Providence. That is how to go forward fearlessly. If there is such a thing as fearless. I suppose fear wears many disguises and we must sometimes accept that it gets us by. That is all it does. Remember that we can bend our destinies, our fates. It just depends where we set our focus and what motivates us to take ourselves to where we act and think our best. And remember that best is what best is for you – only you can know where you are at your best, when you are doing your best. I believe we have all felt it at least once in our lives. How it is to be our best. I truly do.

      ‘Becoming’ is the dark side of consequence. It is involuntary. It comes, too, with learning – and we are continually learning. Well, we should be. There is no time in this world to sit around twiddling your thumbs. You have to think and be in control of your thinking. It is a responsibility, do not underestimate it. ‘Becoming’ is the result of your vision(s) – it is a direct consequence of daring to dream in your present tense. You become, ultimately, what you want to become. If you sit in your ditch and bitch about how the world is running past you on empty then expect no sympathy – or empathy – from passersby. People are tired of hearing bitching about the hardships of life. If you do not like your life, then blame no one but yourself. And blame – being a waste of everyone’s time – is not the way to go. So accept your place in the universal chain and claim your identity. You become who you are. That responsibility cannot be avoided.

      • Luke

        Thanks CJ,

        I really like what you articulate on “blame” — blame is a true waste of time when, in most cases, the most guilty party and person likely worthy of blame is the person staring at us in the mirror…and, even that is a waste of time to redundantly beat-up on yourself when there are answers other than finger pointing.

        And, I like what you said about “fear.” Fear keeps us from being our best–reaching our potential. How do we overcome paralyzing fear? For me, the opposite of fear is faith. Many people say doubt is the opposite of faith but doubt is actually necessary for faith–the soil of doubt cultivates faith. And, again in my humble opinion, faith is the only true path to overcome fear. You mention “Trust in Providence” and that may be paths to the same transformational lift to being our own, individual “best.”

        Thank you, CJ, for sharing your thoughts and responding to my questions, best, luke

  5. See the ball and the shot in your mind and be the ball. Tithing for the poor, I know from doing a tour of duty from being the poor, in jail falsely accused, staying at homeless shelters, wandering aimlessly, under bridges, in a plile of leaves wraped in a plactic bag shivering from cold, and camping in a tent in retreat form law enforcement beating me down and making false charges, false reports, and false testimonies and George Ryan who is convicted and in prison for racketeering, extortion and bribery. So, I am the poor who needs help, but teaching me to fish I may catch a meal for myself and then I will feel better about tithing for the poor. Uncle Sam and the IRS man is a story about who does goodwill and one of the stories in, Raise the Flag, a book with six stories autobiographical and one fictional, about my difficult journey for education so this Raise the Flag is something tangible to show for my education under duress and adversity. For preview and to buy this book go to the author’s website,

  6. Nice piece CJ. I think (especially with English people) the big factor here is FEAR. People fear that if others knew what they really thought – what really motivated them – that these other people wouldn’t like them and would blame them. It takes courage for such conditioned, fearful souls to try out being honest (transparent) and then discover that nobody thinks badly of people who speak the truth, whatever that truth may be or however unpleasant.

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