Succeeding is far more satisfying than winning is. Long term. Winning is a delight, there can be no doubt about that feeling – to be the best at something is a personal achievement indeed. Whatever that best, be. But the joy that winning brings you is short-lived. You are only ever as good as your latest victory. If you are in the business of winning then you will know that is the truth. The thing about winning is that there will always be someone who can beat you. In the end. That is the way of Nature. Challenges are posed, accepted. Territories are won, lost. Survival of the fittest is nothing to be sniffed at.
Take pride in your successes. Do not rub them in other people’s faces. Be modest, enjoy the freedom that succeeding brings you. Surround yourself with people who will celebrate your successes with you, people who wish to see you succeed at those things you do that mean something to you. It is pointless surrounding yourself with people who wish to see you fall, or fail. That is counter-productive.
Success is empowering. When you set yourself a goal, or give yourself a deadline, you are posing a challenge. Throwing down a gauntlet. When you accept the challenge and then ensure that you do achieve the goal or meet the deadline, you are giving your self esteem a needed boost. The kind of pleasure success brings you feeds your soul. There is a reason for having self esteem, you should pay attention to yours. It is safer to rely on yourself to boost your esteem, when you give another that task you are playing a risky game. Set yourself goals. Give yourself deadlines. Let yourself achieve them. Feed on your successes. They buffer you against failure.
‘Words have an intrinsic power. When they are true, sensible, and sincere, they heal “the hearts that mourn.” They help to settle disputes between husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters. They help to establish and realize initiatives by the community and relieve suffering. Words are sacred.’
– Aminata Traoré
There is a community in the Kwahu mountains of eastern Ghana that is wanting to stand on its own two feet. It needs to find a way to get its youth into work, there are too many unemployed. There are too many single teenage mothers, too many women who have too little. The women are desperate. They will accept a proposal of sex for something to wear, something to eat, or somewhere to sleep the night. Can you imagine being in that position? Your body becomes your trade. Where is your self-esteem when you must trade with your flesh? The problem is that these women are not having protected sex and the result is often a child, or an infection of some kind. The men understand the power they have and they use it, women are dispensable, a convenience. The community is watching itself come undone. The chiefs are looking for a solution, they consult with their people and they look for a way forward. They are strong in their commitment to a better future. My concern is how does a community keep its spirits up when the world rushes by on its busy business of being without even being aware of real-time problems of hopeful people who want change?
Community holds people together. It holds hearts, and heads, together. Perhaps the dissolution of community in places is more serious than the world realises. Africa is founded on community spirit. It is a web, a network whose reach you should never underestimate. You will not find a continent better-equipped to work together – if it can heal the damage done to its soul by the scramble for Africa. Someone, somewhere, needs to say sorry. I think to start with, an apology would make Africa a lot happier. Then she will be able to view herself as whole again and the work can begin. Whilst she is divided – as she currently is – there are two many skirmishes, too much in-fighting. What is she still doing warring with herself? Watching her unfold is like watching a slow-motion movie. The point that should be made is that the longer the community must farm out its resources in trying to keep itself together, the longer it takes for it to make progress. Slow progress is still progress, but perhaps for a change the community must address its defectors and recall all of its wanderers. It is time for a bigger picture and in order to realise that bigger picture, we need unity.
Porn is a bigger problem than you perhaps realise. Kids under 10 are looking at it – girls, as well as boys. It is not just looking at it that is a problem. Reading it can be a problem, too, if you read hardcore copy. Porn bends heads. It scares girls, wakes up Pandora. Porn has extraordinary power and it needs to be kept away from children. It damages them. You will have to accept that we will not eradicate porn from this world, but it should be better regulated. Adults who enjoy porn should look a little deeper into their sex. They will probably find that on a level their sex is hectic, but empty. How much transgression can you watch going on before you start to transgress as part of an everyday? What you watch becomes your reality. Choose carefully what thoughts you fill your head with. There is a lot of depraved thinking going on in the minds of boys and men and there are enough loose women desperate enough to comply with their desires. This needs dealing with. I am not suggesting that it is only men, either. Women these days have seriously questionable morals – they are as much into whoring as the men are. A lot of women are predators. A lot of men are corruptors of innocence, they get off on turning you into a bad girl for their entertainment. Watch for them. Porn has bred whoring. Be watchful, too, for money-whores. There are a great many of those in our world. Porn is the difference between a ‘fuck’ and making love. Love lets you know everything you need to know about making it. A ‘fuck’ is nothing. Know that a lot of men out there are fucking women for a living. They tell the women what they need to hear – lies, usually, and they ply them with alcohol to loosen their inhibitions and get into their pants. Women are not good at drinking too much and keeping their pants on. A woman who needs love (and there are a lot of those in our world) wants to believe the random man whispering in her ear actually cares about her and she opens willingly to his approach. Easy. Know that he does not care. He is taking from her her grace, her innocence. Bit by bit. As a woman, please do not be under the illusion – ever – that when you let a man into your pants after three minutes that it is love. It never, ever is. It is purely physical. You are a sex toy. Understand this when you want to make sense of your life.
We need to replace porn with erotica. Erotica is hot, porn is not. Erotica is different – lust is a reality for every single one of us. Carnal lust. The carnal lust that drives the animal in all of us will surprise us with its power time and again. If you fail to recognise the animal in you, you are missing vital information from your understanding of life. Know that love and lust do go hand in hand. Both are instincts. Love and lust are bed-fellows in good relationships. If you do not feel lust, or cannot feel lust – then something is wrong with your sex. You must investigate what is not right in your love life. It is time to look at what you expect from sex, what you require from sex and what you are not getting. If you are not getting love – just a few hours of physical intimacy with a stranger – then your sex life is pretty pointless, it has to be said. You should perhaps change the way you go about doing what you do.
Sex should not become boring. Boring is dangerous. Comfortable is fine, but avoid boring because it leads to transgression. Boring means you need to reconsider your relationship before you do something that is going to jeopardise it. Kids must learn young what sex is about and what it is for. Important – it is not only for procreation, for god’s sake. It is there for pleasure. If kids should hear the wrong thing about sex in the first place, this is an issue. Teach them right. Porn tells a wrong story and it should not be their introduction.
If you aspire to – or do – live like a porn star in your real life then understand that you are the kind of person that is destroying the equilibrium in this world, i.e. the peace. Please stop it. People who use others for sex are selfish. You do not ever use somebody for sex. And you do not ever take someone’s sex from them. EVER. You respect that sex is a demonstration of love – not simply a quick way to get your rocks off or boost your self-esteem. Ironically, random sex will not boost your self-esteem. It will eat away at your insides. You throw your name away each time you do it.