I think there is some confusion when it comes to the term: in Love. For instance, you can have a deep Love for your family members but it is not appropriate to be ‘in Love’ with them. That then bends Love’s trajectory towards incestuous and incest is not fine no matter what planet you are on. The point is, though, it is not okay to hide that kind of shit if it exists and is an issue. The point is to treat the cause of the problem, not the symptoms. Ask why a father would impregnate his daughter, why he would find her sexually attractive in the first place? Why would a possessive mother seduce her son? I mean that sort of sexual attraction is alarming to me and it really does need addressing. Basically – incest kills true intimacy. It breaks sacred bonds. That confuses children and it causes inexplicable pain that dominoes down the generations. Therefore – incest is not acceptable and that is not a negotiable point if the healthy concept of family is to survive its deconstruction.
If you are the parents of a child, or children, it makes sense to remember that you chose each other with whom to ‘breed’, as such. Surely you choose to have a baby with someone you are in Love with? If you didn’t, then I question why you are parents. Children are not a ‘by-product’ of sex – make sure you get that straight. They are a choice. If you do not make the choice, then do not have kids. It’s simple, really. Children who watch their mothers and fathers hate each other for a living learn nothing about Love, about choices. They learn hate and blame, about bondage and obligation. They are also torn, often, between taking sides with their mother or their father and that is not the sort of choice a child should ever have to make. I suspect that there are a great many bullies in relationships – male and female – who enjoy the convenience of a resident punch-bag, as such. That may be how things are for a lot of people, but it is important to understand that that kind of ‘relationship’ is not of Love – not in ANY shape or form.
In Love. Again – it may be helpful to understand that ‘in Love’ is not a destination. It is a privilege: the beginning of a journey into the heart of what really matters. Love is not a commodity, despite what some humans might think. What some humans think matters not, however, and Love knows that. It is when Love falls in Love that it is liable to lose its own control. Maybe that is no bad thing. Perhaps ‘out of control’ Love is exactly what this wounded planet needs?
The dinosaurs did not fall in Love. Neither did the dodo or the coelacanth. Love is something that has become, with us. It has evolved alongside humankind. Physical attraction, chemistry – in all species – has always led to sex, the propagation of life. This natural process is responsible, too, for the development of our ancestors, ourselves. It has ensured our gradual improvement. When Love turned up initially, things were different. Love was for everyone, and there was enough. It was not something one had that another need ever covet. When Love became associated with ownership – i.e. possessed – and certain people were deemed unworthy of its touch – i.e. the untouchables – the real meaning behind Love’s message was lost. Using hindsight, it would appear that it simply went elsewhere to validate its claim that it was not for sale, that its purpose was pre-ordained and its essence incorruptible. In what became known as a time-warp, instead of buying into its demise, it left its shadow to fend off Love’s nemesis and went to fetch the testimony of its true representatives.
That Love has some extremes should come as no surprise. It has spent centuries being stretched in virtually every direction. It is even frequented, these days, by the likes of paedophiles, psychopaths and otherwise marginalised madmen. Each has their story and each of those stories has cause. When humans routinely call torture or protracted brutality ‘acts of Love’, though, it becomes time to review humans differently. It is not time to redefine Love. Love is not responsible for the indescribable cruelty some try to justify by using the line: it’s only because I love you. Humans are responsible for hiding violence behind that kind of lie. If Love is the motivation behind an action then cruelty will not be a tactic used by anyone for any reason. Ever.
Where Love discovers that it has been misunderstood or misrepresented it will take time to explain. Like for every single contrived crime scene it will have an alibi. That goes without saying. The length of its explanation will depend on the degree of your misunderstanding and/or the level of misrepresentation. Every alibi will be able to explain itself. What Love will not do, however, is waste anyone’s time by rehabilitating idiots. Idiots are best left to their own devices and Love is best when it lets idiots go.
Domination is an interesting game to play. We have all spent time trying to dominate – situations, people, opinions. The need to be dominant is a throw-back to our wild. Males and females both do it. Children try it on all the time. Domination is not wholly an unhealthy pursuit, it just depends how far you will go to be the dominator. Take Russia for example, they are busy playing dangerous domination games. They will dominate in Crimea, despite the rising tide of negative public opinion with regards this particular pursuit of power. It would seem that they imagine themselves invincible. Their view is irresponsible, provocative, and it does not sit easy with the global community. Perhaps Russia should give some thought to the fact that they are currently disturbing the balance on our planet. This has consequences. I do not believe that Russia has the right to decide that Crimea needs to be a part of its make-up. Crimea belongs to the Crimeans, not the Russians. In fact, it is peculiarly obnoxious for Russia to be stretching its borders to include land that does not belong under Russia’s thumb. It would seem that Vladimir Putin forgets that invasions did not work well for Hitler in the long run. His big ideas are small-minded. Outdated. In actuality – backward. In fact it has to be asked – who exactly does Russia think it is? It cannot convince anyone that its objectives are honourable, no matter how earnest its self-righteous claims.
Domination is a key factor in relationships. Traditionally, women have learned and played the submissive role. Men have been the dominators. Of course there are many exceptions to this rule, but conditioning has seen to it that men stand head and shoulders above women when it comes to being ‘in charge’. It is refreshing to see the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, making inroads in a male-dominated industry. Politics is an industry, as much as capitalism is an industry. It is encouraging to watch Hilary Clinton at work in her fields of expertise – the adherence to the ways of women bodes well for the future of global diplomacy. There are good reasons why women are usually better at diplomacy than men are. Theirs’ is a learned patience, an inherent understanding of how the world and its people work.
Sex is about domination. Base instinct sees males mounting females in Nature, although it should be remembered that mating in Nature is most often consensual. A male will seldom mount a female unless she has given him the go-ahead. With humans, it is not always this way. There seems to be a subliminal need for humans to demonstrate their prowess – their core ‘power’ – by being the person ‘on top’. Both men and women subscribe to this theory of sexuality and both use their wiles and their ways to make their statement of fact. Be aware that rape is about domination. Slavery is about domination. Domestic violence is about domination, as is child abuse. Think about it. Domination needs careful management. Ungoverned, it creates problems, pain, wars.
‘Words have an intrinsic power. When they are true, sensible, and sincere, they heal “the hearts that mourn.” They help to settle disputes between husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters. They help to establish and realize initiatives by the community and relieve suffering. Words are sacred.’
– Aminata Traoré
There is a community in the Kwahu mountains of eastern Ghana that is wanting to stand on its own two feet. It needs to find a way to get its youth into work, there are too many unemployed. There are too many single teenage mothers, too many women who have too little. The women are desperate. They will accept a proposal of sex for something to wear, something to eat, or somewhere to sleep the night. Can you imagine being in that position? Your body becomes your trade. Where is your self-esteem when you must trade with your flesh? The problem is that these women are not having protected sex and the result is often a child, or an infection of some kind. The men understand the power they have and they use it, women are dispensable, a convenience. The community is watching itself come undone. The chiefs are looking for a solution, they consult with their people and they look for a way forward. They are strong in their commitment to a better future. My concern is how does a community keep its spirits up when the world rushes by on its busy business of being without even being aware of real-time problems of hopeful people who want change?
Community holds people together. It holds hearts, and heads, together. Perhaps the dissolution of community in places is more serious than the world realises. Africa is founded on community spirit. It is a web, a network whose reach you should never underestimate. You will not find a continent better-equipped to work together – if it can heal the damage done to its soul by the scramble for Africa. Someone, somewhere, needs to say sorry. I think to start with, an apology would make Africa a lot happier. Then she will be able to view herself as whole again and the work can begin. Whilst she is divided – as she currently is – there are two many skirmishes, too much in-fighting. What is she still doing warring with herself? Watching her unfold is like watching a slow-motion movie. The point that should be made is that the longer the community must farm out its resources in trying to keep itself together, the longer it takes for it to make progress. Slow progress is still progress, but perhaps for a change the community must address its defectors and recall all of its wanderers. It is time for a bigger picture and in order to realise that bigger picture, we need unity.
Porn is a bigger problem than you perhaps realise. Kids under 10 are looking at it – girls, as well as boys. It is not just looking at it that is a problem. Reading it can be a problem, too, if you read hardcore copy. Porn bends heads. It scares girls, wakes up Pandora. Porn has extraordinary power and it needs to be kept away from children. It damages them. You will have to accept that we will not eradicate porn from this world, but it should be better regulated. Adults who enjoy porn should look a little deeper into their sex. They will probably find that on a level their sex is hectic, but empty. How much transgression can you watch going on before you start to transgress as part of an everyday? What you watch becomes your reality. Choose carefully what thoughts you fill your head with. There is a lot of depraved thinking going on in the minds of boys and men and there are enough loose women desperate enough to comply with their desires. This needs dealing with. I am not suggesting that it is only men, either. Women these days have seriously questionable morals – they are as much into whoring as the men are. A lot of women are predators. A lot of men are corruptors of innocence, they get off on turning you into a bad girl for their entertainment. Watch for them. Porn has bred whoring. Be watchful, too, for money-whores. There are a great many of those in our world. Porn is the difference between a ‘fuck’ and making love. Love lets you know everything you need to know about making it. A ‘fuck’ is nothing. Know that a lot of men out there are fucking women for a living. They tell the women what they need to hear – lies, usually, and they ply them with alcohol to loosen their inhibitions and get into their pants. Women are not good at drinking too much and keeping their pants on. A woman who needs love (and there are a lot of those in our world) wants to believe the random man whispering in her ear actually cares about her and she opens willingly to his approach. Easy. Know that he does not care. He is taking from her her grace, her innocence. Bit by bit. As a woman, please do not be under the illusion – ever – that when you let a man into your pants after three minutes that it is love. It never, ever is. It is purely physical. You are a sex toy. Understand this when you want to make sense of your life.
We need to replace porn with erotica. Erotica is hot, porn is not. Erotica is different – lust is a reality for every single one of us. Carnal lust. The carnal lust that drives the animal in all of us will surprise us with its power time and again. If you fail to recognise the animal in you, you are missing vital information from your understanding of life. Know that love and lust do go hand in hand. Both are instincts. Love and lust are bed-fellows in good relationships. If you do not feel lust, or cannot feel lust – then something is wrong with your sex. You must investigate what is not right in your love life. It is time to look at what you expect from sex, what you require from sex and what you are not getting. If you are not getting love – just a few hours of physical intimacy with a stranger – then your sex life is pretty pointless, it has to be said. You should perhaps change the way you go about doing what you do.
Sex should not become boring. Boring is dangerous. Comfortable is fine, but avoid boring because it leads to transgression. Boring means you need to reconsider your relationship before you do something that is going to jeopardise it. Kids must learn young what sex is about and what it is for. Important – it is not only for procreation, for god’s sake. It is there for pleasure. If kids should hear the wrong thing about sex in the first place, this is an issue. Teach them right. Porn tells a wrong story and it should not be their introduction.
If you aspire to – or do – live like a porn star in your real life then understand that you are the kind of person that is destroying the equilibrium in this world, i.e. the peace. Please stop it. People who use others for sex are selfish. You do not ever use somebody for sex. And you do not ever take someone’s sex from them. EVER. You respect that sex is a demonstration of love – not simply a quick way to get your rocks off or boost your self-esteem. Ironically, random sex will not boost your self-esteem. It will eat away at your insides. You throw your name away each time you do it.
Sex is not a word that should make you shy or fearful in this day and age. If it makes you fearful, then you have issues that need dealing with professionally. If your sex is damaged in any way you need to address the subject with a person who is trained to tell you how to deal with the trauma and help you assimilate your experience(s). If you are an adult shy around sex it means that you are immature in your understanding of its power. If it makes you giggle and blush then you are probably Catholic. Catholics and sex have a long history of conflict. Puritans, too. These religious institutions understand the power of sex and as such, will try to control it. Theirs’ is a delusion. The church cannot control the sex of a population. That part of them belongs firmly to Nature. How you choose to express your sexuality is your business. There should not be anyone overly interested in your sexual persuasion unless you are a paedophile or a rapist, in which case you should be named, shamed, and then castrated. A paedophile should not be allowed anywhere near children. If you make the mistake of abusing a child even once – you should never be given a person’s faith again. Ever. For the rest – the normal human beings out there – you are what you are, and you are who you are. No matter who or what you are, understand that sex is a sacred act. It should be. Who you choose as a partner is of consequence and what you do to and with their body is of consequence.
Sex is both give and take. It is a learning. It is not something you are born good at, it is something you get good at. If you can be bothered. In our contemporary society there is so much taking going on that the scales are seriously off balance. People do not take time enough to learn each other well. Men take sex from a lot of women – who offer it willingly to just about anyone who will show them attention. This coupling is neither romantic, nor does it have anything to do with love. It is an exchange of fluids and a flood of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a very powerful hormone. A lot of people are addicted to its effect. This means a lot of people neither care nor worry about where they pull a partner from. A lot of women are looking for princes and a lot of men know how easy it is to flatter the pants off a wannabe princess. Wannabe princesses abound in our society. I hope the men of the future are equipped to deal with the fall-out.
Excellent sex is about love. Love is about soul. It is about a true connection. Pornography is not helpful as a starting block – there are too many people in our world with bent expectations of sex. Hard-core porn and child-porn are particularly problematic – the trade in transgression is out of control. It is not easy to correct a mindset aligned with transgression. How do you stop a world, literally, from screwing itself up further? You remind the people that sex is personal expression. Be careful who you show what. Have some respect. Your demonstration speaks for you in more ways than one. Should you wish to waste your sex on random strangers then know that you are damaging yourself. Worse – you are using people. If you use people you will be used. Your sex will become empty and you will not be fulfilled. To be unfulfilled is not something to aspire to. Too many people use sex as a pain-killer in this fractured society. This is wrong sex. Right sex is a sharing. And do not ever confuse physical intimacy with love. They are not the same thing. If you allow someone to take your body and use it for their own gratification – no matter what fairytales are singing in your ears – you are responsible for the damage done to your psyche. You cannot escape your psyche – ever. Keep it clean.