An important initial distinction to make is the difference between confidence and esteem. They are not the same thing. ‘No confidence’ suggests that there is a courage lacking in a person’s actions, a lack of belief in what a person is capable of doing – and by rights – should do, but doesn’t. Confidence – understandably – is the currency of politics, of scam-artists and esteemed liars. Also, it is the medium used by those who are certain about what what they want, and know that they can achieve it. Confidence is not arrogance, that is another story in itself.
Esteem is more personal, perhaps more fragile than confidence itself, is. Esteem is what affords an individual success, real success. This is because it is authentic – it cannot be manufactured or conjured up at will. In other words, it is a purely natural state of being. Esteem exists where a person is familiar with themselves and their purpose, and both the knowledge thereof – and the understanding – fills them with peace. That peace cannot be bought at any cost. Confidence is at times no more than a means to an end. Esteem has more integrity.
No confidence usually stems from a dented ego. Or damaged pride. This can be repaired in due course with the correct ministrations. Low self-esteem happens to persons who are failing in their focus, their purpose. It is not possible to have high self-esteem when you are not in a position to fulfil your reason(s) for being. If you consider that three quarters of this planet’s populace cannot currently fulfil their true reason(s) for being, you will understand why this earth is in the dire straights that it is.
Once upon a time they said that possession was nine tenths of the law. Where did that leave the last tenth? In limbo, obviously. In this want-want world, possession seems to orbit the thoughts of many people. It seems to give them a sense of self-worth, a sense of pride. That is a pity. You cannot progress beyond the illusory substance of daily life when you are of the opinion that either owning ‘items’ or ‘people’ gives you some standing. It doesn’t. You can, however, possess your own mind. Your thinking. Those go with you wherever you go – and are with you in whichever eternity you end.
I will say it again. You cannot hope to possess a person. That includes your progeny. Such is not possible. The tighter you squeeze – through your own insecurity or the need to dominate another – the further the person you are trying to own will go. It is perhaps like trying to frame a living rainbow. Or contain a feral cat in an old bag. You will simply not succeed. In fact, you may find that by merely trying, you consign your future to the universal trash can. That is not what you want to be doing with the time you have left. The universal dustbin has now officially been emptied, so to find yourself languishing there would be dire, indeed. Certainly you will be devoid of friends and the family you may encounter in that insipid darkness may not be what you are familiar with.
When did the notion of possession get out of hand? Who decided to propagate the principle of such possibility? I think it must have been the early capitalists that got the premise wrong. That is not a problem. We can change it. We can change the premise, and their thinking. All it will take is to show those who follow a wrong set-up that giving is guaranteed to take you far further than the now, the immediate. Giving can open doors that have until this day, stayed closed. If you are not of the giving mindset, then enjoy your time in the trash can. Believe me, it will last forever.
Succeeding is far more satisfying than winning is. Long term. Winning is a delight, there can be no doubt about that feeling – to be the best at something is a personal achievement indeed. Whatever that best, be. But the joy that winning brings you is short-lived. You are only ever as good as your latest victory. If you are in the business of winning then you will know that is the truth. The thing about winning is that there will always be someone who can beat you. In the end. That is the way of Nature. Challenges are posed, accepted. Territories are won, lost. Survival of the fittest is nothing to be sniffed at.
Take pride in your successes. Do not rub them in other people’s faces. Be modest, enjoy the freedom that succeeding brings you. Surround yourself with people who will celebrate your successes with you, people who wish to see you succeed at those things you do that mean something to you. It is pointless surrounding yourself with people who wish to see you fall, or fail. That is counter-productive.
Success is empowering. When you set yourself a goal, or give yourself a deadline, you are posing a challenge. Throwing down a gauntlet. When you accept the challenge and then ensure that you do achieve the goal or meet the deadline, you are giving your self esteem a needed boost. The kind of pleasure success brings you feeds your soul. There is a reason for having self esteem, you should pay attention to yours. It is safer to rely on yourself to boost your esteem, when you give another that task you are playing a risky game. Set yourself goals. Give yourself deadlines. Let yourself achieve them. Feed on your successes. They buffer you against failure.