It is not difficult to become offended by what we hear – or imagine – are insults directed at our person, particularly because as humans our diversity means that different things piss off different people. Words and gestures in one culture may mean something positive, encouraging. In other customs the same words could be curses. It pays in delicate situations to know which words not to use – to hold your tongue when you are unsure of how your words will be interpreted – as much as it is helpful to speak openly when you know that certain words must be heard.
There are those who find swearing insulting to their ears. There are those that find piety to be a violation. Others cannot abide defiant women, advocating a woman’s submission because it demonstrates ‘respect’. It is interesting that some people find insulting the idea of outspoken women, as if a woman’s word cannot be taken as seriously as a man’s in a man’s world. Rudeness, on the other hand, is insulting to everyone, on every level. Usually, rudeness is not necessary – it is a choice, a kind of thoughtlessness. Like it is a choice not to respond to it.
The way it usually goes is that this one insults that one, and that one retaliates. Anger is generated. Then this one spits more insults and that one impacts them. Anger intensifies. That one then vents again with a poisonous diatribe in an attempt to annihilate this one. Tempers flare, faces rage. And then with a concerted effort one side – either this one or that one – decides not to respond to the provocation. In a moment, the conflict is over. No matter your own anger, your fury, your hatred – you cannot force a disciplined mind to fight.
Why do people who can barely provide for themselves, breed? Why are millions of children caught up in their parent’s poverty? When you bring a child into a shit life – and you know very well whether your life is shit or not – what are you thinking? I don’t think you are thinking. You can’t be. In some countries children are bred to sell, or to work. That makes no sense. The parents must work. For themselves, first. If you cannot put food on the table for yourself, let alone a family, then you have to sit parenthood out. You do not breed children to provide for you – know that for free. It is time people grew more responsible and looked at what they are doing to themselves, as a whole. What are you showing a child when you bear and raise it in poverty, squalour? You are teaching it disease and suffering. Death. Why would anyone choose to do that? As a parent, do not tell me that there is surplus energy to love and nurture your children when you are struggling to stay alive.
Breeding violence is not productive. What is the point of generation after generation learning that hurting other people is how you send a message or get what you want? That is not the way. Violence is second nature to some people. It is their first reaction to any confrontation. In fact, violent people will seek confrontation so that they can inflict damage. Theirs’ is a bizarre mindset. It wants controlling. Realise that violence changes a person. It hardens your heart. If you commit acts of violence, you are not in control. You need to be in control of your wild inside. The anger that drives violence is a voice – amidst many – that still needs to be heard, but there are other ways for that pain to say what needs saying. The fact that so much senseless violence is played out through alcohol intoxication should alert mankind to what it becomes under the influence. Often, where there is truth there is conflict.
In the same way that you get breeds of animals, you get breeds of people. Of men. Women. Animals accept their classification without taking it personally. Humans don’t. They fight themselves, each other, over what and who they are. They are precious about their identity. This is a consistency, everywhere. It causes wars. You are bred into tradition – the system – or you are bred to question the system. Some people are bred into wealth. What they do with that privilege is always measured. You are bred into security, or you are not. If you are not, your questions are for your parents. Hard workers are a breed of people. As are the compassionate. Arseholes, too, are a breed. Take each at face value.
Please be aware of how you speak to yourself. You would be surprised to know how often you upset yourself with your tone of voice. When you are being shitty – either silently or out loud, hear yourself. Really listen to what it is that you are saying. It will tell you a lot about which of your needs are not being met, which parts of you are disgruntled. Your life is about getting your needs met. Your basic needs – safety, sustenance, love. It is about identifying and addressing the archetypes that reside in your psyche. If you spend enough time watching your behaviours without judging yourself for your actions, you will notice how certain aspects of yourself come to the fore in certain situations. It is very interesting to watch these archetypes act, and interact. Battle. The stiller your mind, the clearer your components and their motivations. We are all made up of components, coping mechanisms, skills. Every single person on this planet has a skill. You must find out what your skill is, and develop it. Adults should help children identify their skill(s), the younger you discover what you excel at, the more informed your choices for your future. Should you have missed the opportunity to identify for yourself what it is that you are good at, then your life is still a mystery. Don’t give up on finding a solution. There is always a solution.
Free speech is vital when you are communicating with yourself. But mind your tone. You must say it as you feel it if you wish to be heard, so know that direct is best. Diplomacy is good if you can manage it. Ears are attuned to decency in a person, kindness of mind. The truth. Don’t lie to yourself. Be disciplined enough to tell the truth. Truth is a discipline. Should you lie to yourself about anything whatsoever, know that is your first failing on the path to self-actualisation. If you want to know who you are, tell yourself how it is to be alive as you – how it really is – and listen to the news of the world. Hear, too, any advice you give yourself. The way you guide yourself counts. There will be a gentleness to your ministrations, and a harshness. A harshness of spirit indicates an impatience, a determination. Anger. Usually, at self. Keep that in mind. It indicates, too, a striving inside. When you will not settle for things the way they are – when you will not accept of yourself or your world anything less than best – you will have to entertain the harsher side of your being. Do not be afraid of your darkness. We all have a harshness of spirit, it comes with the territory of being human. We need it for this life. Train your harshness to drive you forwards. It is your wild. Welcome it. It can take you places.