Tag Archives: family

Let’s clarify something about Love – Blog No. 7

Batmobile

I think there is some confusion when it comes to the term:  in Love.  For instance, you can have a deep Love for your family members but it is not appropriate to be ‘in Love’ with them.  That then bends Love’s trajectory towards incestuous and incest is not fine no matter what planet you are on.  The point is, though, it is not okay to hide that kind of shit if it exists and is an issue.  The point is to treat the cause of the problem, not the symptoms.  Ask why a father would impregnate his daughter, why he would find her sexually attractive in the first place?  Why would a possessive mother seduce her son?  I mean that sort of sexual attraction is alarming to me and it really does need addressing.  Basically – incest kills true intimacy.  It breaks sacred bonds.  That confuses children and it causes inexplicable pain that dominoes down the generations.  Therefore – incest is not acceptable and that is not a negotiable point if the healthy concept of family is to survive its deconstruction.

If you are the parents of a child, or children, it makes sense to remember that you chose each other with whom to ‘breed’, as such.  Surely you choose to have a baby with someone you are in Love with?  If you didn’t, then I question why you are parents.  Children are not a ‘by-product’ of sex – make sure you get that straight.  They are a choice.  If you do not make the choice, then do not have kids.  It’s simple, really.  Children who watch their mothers and fathers hate each other for a living learn nothing about Love, about choices.  They learn hate and blame, about bondage and obligation.  They are also torn, often, between taking sides with their mother or their father and that is not the sort of choice a child should ever have to make.  I suspect that there are a great many bullies in relationships – male and female – who enjoy the convenience of a resident punch-bag, as such.  That may be how things are for a lot of people, but it is important to understand that that kind of ‘relationship’ is not of Love – not in ANY shape or form.

In Love.  Again – it may be helpful to understand that ‘in Love’ is not a destination.  It is a privilege:  the beginning of a journey into the heart of what really matters.  Love is not a commodity, despite what some humans might think.  What some humans think matters not, however, and Love knows that.  It is when Love falls in Love that it is liable to lose its own control.  Maybe that is no bad thing.  Perhaps ‘out of control’ Love is exactly what this wounded planet needs?

 

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Possession – Blog No. 3

possession

Once upon a time they said that possession was nine tenths of the law. Where did that leave the last tenth? In limbo, obviously. In this want-want world, possession seems to orbit the thoughts of many people. It seems to give them a sense of self-worth, a sense of pride. That is a pity. You cannot progress beyond the illusory substance of daily life when you are of the opinion that either owning ‘items’ or ‘people’ gives you some standing. It doesn’t. You can, however, possess your own mind. Your thinking. Those go with you wherever you go – and are with you in whichever eternity you end.

I will say it again. You cannot hope to possess a person. That includes your progeny. Such is not possible. The tighter you squeeze – through your own insecurity or the need to dominate another – the further the person you are trying to own will go. It is perhaps like trying to frame a living rainbow. Or contain a feral cat in an old bag. You will simply not succeed. In fact, you may find that by merely trying, you consign your future to the universal trash can. That is not what you want to be doing with the time you have left. The universal dustbin has now officially been emptied, so to find yourself languishing there would be dire, indeed. Certainly you will be devoid of friends and the family you may encounter in that insipid darkness may not be what you are familiar with.

When did the notion of possession get out of hand? Who decided to propagate the principle of such possibility? I think it must have been the early capitalists that got the premise wrong. That is not a problem. We can change it. We can change the premise, and their thinking. All it will take is to show those who follow a wrong set-up that giving is guaranteed to take you far further than the now, the immediate. Giving can open doors that have until this day, stayed closed. If you are not of the giving mindset, then enjoy your time in the trash can. Believe me, it will last forever.

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Thinking – Blog No. 66

DEBUTANTE’S BALL

Don’t look at your feet, he said, or you will trip.  Look straight ahead, at the far side of the room.
We crowded the staircase for a posed photo
after raiding the car park for some car-stereo O.M.D.,
illicit beers and cigarettes
and
our chaperones’ better sense for underage champagne.
Sparkling wine, actually.
Mildly a-buzz
we accepted certificates for our virginity
and waited to be stormed by the eligible batchelors.
I am still waiting.
I have told you beowulf, I hate waiting.

I wait for you to bare your teeth at me in a riding-hood smile
I anticipate shooting that smile off your face.
Eagerly.
Smug bastard, take a hike to nowhereland.
I have no time free to send your shit into my dreams.
You better not have told me another bullshit rendition of your truth.
Thus far, I only know yours in condition, like as in conditional.
I don’t agree with that.  I agree with as is.
That means eclectic – a bit new, a bit old.
A bite-sized bit in the middle.

Until ever, there will be three.  I go for ply-policy.
Never put your ducks in a row.  They are too easy to shoot.
Always put your eggs in the basket.  It kept Moses alive.
©
DINNER AT ABDEL’S

The goat coming for supper was an added boon.
The invitation was so warm, sincere, it did not cross my mind to say no, thank you –
even though the taxi was a stranger
and
we were seven months pregnant.
We sat cross-legged at a knee-high table
dressed in blue and white
and
spread with kind gestures and sweet memories
I am fortunate enough to have shared.

The stars spoke to us of Islam and Islamicism
and
Anti-Islamic hators.
We dissected western interest in a tourist trap
and
I felt affronted at the lack of respect shown
to a land of faith, in a land of faith
that protects the feminine.
That was me, feeling.
Not suspicion, prejudice, fear, doubt or recrimination.
Just love.

The moon tricked us into talking past midnight
and
we invoked spirits in German, English, French, Muslim.
For I believe that Muslim is a language all of its own.
As is any, that cares enough for its people.
I delighted in your children’s certificates and songs
and
loved their shyness.
I felt like part of your family.
I am grateful that you showed us around.
It made Tunisia feel like home.
©

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Family – Blog No. 55

family

Family is what you make of it. It can be anything you like. It is said that you cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends. I am not sure that is entirely true. I suspect that there are instances where it is possible to choose your family. It depends who you are and where you choose to call home.

Every single person on this planet has at one time or another been a part of a family. Whether that family proved to be dysfunctional or not is immaterial. Whether the dynamics were skewed, or the values lacking, a family at base-level inception wants the best for all its members and this means it will pass on its greatest strengths in addition to its weaknesses. It is what a person makes of weakness that determines their future.

Family is a social concept. It works. It is not something that is determined by a name, or a label. It is a feeling. An understanding. Family members get each other. That is how you know you are family. A family celebrates its members. It is not intolerant of them, nor does it try to repress its lessons, if it is wise. What are lessons for, unless to learn from?

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Breeding – Blog No. 86

IVF donation tinsWhy do people who can barely provide for themselves, breed?  Why are millions of children caught up in their parent’s poverty?  When you bring a child into a shit life – and you know very well whether your life is shit or not – what are you thinking?  I don’t think you are thinking.  You can’t be.  In some countries children are bred to sell, or to work.  That makes no sense.  The parents must work.  For themselves, first.  If you cannot put food on the table for yourself, let alone a family, then you have to sit parenthood out.  You do not breed children to provide for you – know that for free.  It is time people grew more responsible and looked at what they are doing to themselves, as a whole.  What are you showing a child when you bear and raise it in poverty, squalour?  You are teaching it disease and suffering.  Death.  Why would anyone choose to do that?  As a parent, do not tell me that there is surplus energy to love and nurture your children when you are struggling to stay alive.

Breeding violence is not productive.  What is the point of generation after generation learning that hurting other people is how you send a message or get what you want?  That is not the way.  Violence is second nature to some people.  It is their first reaction to any confrontation.  In fact, violent people will seek confrontation so that they can inflict damage.  Theirs’ is a bizarre mindset.  It wants controlling.  Realise that violence changes a person.  It hardens your heart.  If you commit acts of violence, you are not in control.  You need to be in control of your wild inside.  The anger that drives violence is a voice – amidst many – that still needs to be heard, but there are other ways for that pain to say what needs saying.  The fact that so much senseless violence is played out through alcohol intoxication should alert mankind to what it becomes under the influence.  Often, where there is truth there is conflict.

In the same way that you get breeds of animals, you get breeds of people.  Of men.  Women.  Animals accept their classification without taking it personally.  Humans don’t.  They fight themselves, each other, over what and who they are.  They are precious about their identity.  This is a consistency, everywhere.  It causes wars.  You are bred into tradition – the system – or you are bred to question the system.  Some people are bred into wealth.  What they do with that privilege is always measured.  You are bred into security, or you are not.  If you are not, your questions are for your parents.  Hard workers are a breed of people.  As are the compassionate.  Arseholes, too, are a breed.  Take each at face value.

 

 

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Blog No. 7

britains yobboesWhat is the UK to do with its generation of delinquents?  It’s like on a universal scale they have inherited the teenagers of the planet.  And most of those teenagers are parents.  I hope those Lib Dems are skilled in the art of parenting.  We needn’t ask the Conservatives.  Their children are not a common part of the real world.  I would say the UK faces a major crisis.  How to bring up a bunch of defunct, emotionally bankrupt yobs?  That’s hard to do when they have no idea what a family is.  That means there is an abundant lack of family values and for a society, that is a big problem.  There is a generation of takers the UK needs to re-educate, and soon.  How difficult is it to confer family values upon those who have no concept of such?  It is very difficult.  But it is not impossible.  A family does not have to be traditional in order to be a family.  Family, like Christmas, is a construct.  It can be what you need it to be, what you want of a ‘family’, of a ‘Christmas’.  All these names have duties, jobs to do, in our worlds.   How we put them to work depends on how we understand the terms.  People who come from broken homes, or no homes, will be different.  Who will they be?  Who are you to other people?  How does your mouth speak about other people?  That is an important indication of what kind of a person you are.  For example, if you are an unkind person you will know.  You cannot hide your unkindness from yourself.  Remember your unkindness will sound as ugly to the ears of your listener as it does to you.  If your unkindness sounds powerful to you, you need to reassess your understanding of intimidation.  If you enjoy intimidating, you are a bully.  If you choose to feel good about assassinating another’s character then you need to address your self-esteem.  You are insecure.  Realise that your criticism is as much for your own ears as it is for the ears of your listener.  Also, try whatever you like, you cannot avoid facing your own short-comings.  They affect your every day.  It is important in life to realise what it is that you are – and what it is that you are not.  What you are not is nothing to be afraid of.  It is how it is.  When you realise what you are not you can modify your goals and dreams.  You can refine your own process and build yourself into a better human being.

If you are not a kind person, don’t pretend for the sake of your face that you are.  Saving your reputation for your own sake is a total waste of time, never mind saving it for the sake of others who judge.  Always check who it is that judges you before you take their judgement to heart.   If they do not know who you are, pay them little attention.  How can a person have a sensible opinion on something they have never understood?  Either make yourself known or ignore the criticism.  There is no point sitting in the corner crying about something that is under your control.  Don’t waste your energy on others’ negative projections, prides, or egos.  Negative voices are noise.  Just try to understand that for everyone it is nearly impossible not to judge.  Be aware.  We judge ourselves all the time and we judge others by our expectations of ourselves.

How can the UK solve its problems?  It can face up to them first of all.  That stiff upper lip needs to crack a humble smile.  Those myriad repressions need addressing.  That attitude of resenting success needs adjusting.  It can start by accepting its failing infrastructure – whatever the reason for it.  It can stop rewarding the benefit parasites with money that would be better spent on university grants to an ambitious youth.  If they had any brains they would wean their dependents off their ‘wages’ and feed said money back into their (once great) education system – which is also falling apart.  Another thing – Britain can stop behaving as if it still controlled all the tea fields and rice paddies on the planet.  The Empire is long-gone, her reign is over.  I wonder why the colonialists are such hard-core hangers on?  Their attitude is out-dated, their behaviour archaic.  How many colonial genes pollute the DNA of the inheritors of Great Britain?  The question to ask is how can we go forwards unless these people – the collective – and these places, take accountability for their past, their future?

Drop the idea that the world owes you a living, Britain.  Your future is what you have made it.

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