For one thing, transgression is better than either regression or aggression. It suggests a daring. Courage. A questioning. Transgressors are those who will ask questions and receive answers until they come to a clear understanding of why and how this life is like it is. Transgression does not suggest to me evil intent. Evil intent is not mischievous, it is sinister and vicious. Transgressing is basically stepping out of your bounds. You cannot half-transgress. You either do or you don’t. It is like parachuting. Your ‘chute either opens or it doesn’t. You find that out when it happens.
Transgression tends to cause stress. Not only for those who are prepared to buck the system, but also for those who are obliged to witness said bucking. If your transgression should involve an other, or others, you can be sure that there will be an implicit trust between said members. They will be well-attuned to one another, to their environment. They communicate – demonstrate – an actuality – a firm standing for sound principles and a refusal to be subjugated by corruption.
Transgressions happen. That is not to say that they are acceptable, accepted. Transgressing will often result in frowns, lectures. Tut-tutting and the big one – complete disapproval. An attempt at tightening the head-screws, if you like. Luckily when there is a reason for transgressing, transgressors do not pay attention to head-screws – or fuckheads, even. There is no time left in mind to listen to a bigot’s one-sided opinion, or the whining denials in an idiot’s lies.
An important initial distinction to make is the difference between confidence and esteem. They are not the same thing. ‘No confidence’ suggests that there is a courage lacking in a person’s actions, a lack of belief in what a person is capable of doing – and by rights – should do, but doesn’t. Confidence – understandably – is the currency of politics, of scam-artists and esteemed liars. Also, it is the medium used by those who are certain about what what they want, and know that they can achieve it. Confidence is not arrogance, that is another story in itself.
Esteem is more personal, perhaps more fragile than confidence itself, is. Esteem is what affords an individual success, real success. This is because it is authentic – it cannot be manufactured or conjured up at will. In other words, it is a purely natural state of being. Esteem exists where a person is familiar with themselves and their purpose, and both the knowledge thereof – and the understanding – fills them with peace. That peace cannot be bought at any cost. Confidence is at times no more than a means to an end. Esteem has more integrity.
No confidence usually stems from a dented ego. Or damaged pride. This can be repaired in due course with the correct ministrations. Low self-esteem happens to persons who are failing in their focus, their purpose. It is not possible to have high self-esteem when you are not in a position to fulfil your reason(s) for being. If you consider that three quarters of this planet’s populace cannot currently fulfil their true reason(s) for being, you will understand why this earth is in the dire straights that it is.
What counts as a phenomenon? Should we count ourselves as phenomena? There is the phenomenal in humankind. It is – like many other things – just a matter of finding it. How hard you look depends on what you wish to find. When seeking phenomena, ask yourself what you are hoping to demonstrate through your discovery. That way – looking at the message you are intending to send – you will be sure to succeed in your search.
Allow phenomenal to happen to you. It is a matter of giving permission. Once granted, that particular permission cannot be revoked. You open a lock, as such, and set yourself upon a path that is guaranteed to bring you out into the sunshine. That is where you want to be, it does not matter when you get there. If you would prefer to find yourself brought out into a blizzard, then that is your indaba.
Think of phenomenal as a methodology. What to aspire to. There is a lot to be said for aspirations. There is a lot to be said for the courage to chase them. A cynic will say there is no point in chasing anything. A coward will say there is no way to chase. A defeatist will say there is no chance of succeeding, no matter what you do.
There is a point. There is a way. There is a chance. Take it.
Do we all have the same psychology when it comes to seeking protection? Is the drive of an asylum-seeker the same as the tendency a child has to hide behind its parents’ legs? Are women entering into marriages sold in catalogues because the prospect of a new life – a better life with a man that’s buying – outweighs the thought of having to sell yourself to get there? Perhaps the illusion of safety is what causes many women to marry men they really should not be marrying. Men, after all, are the protectors. They have always been the protectors. Some men are cut out for this kind of work. Others are not. Choose wisely what you need in a partner – both men and women should choose carefully – and remember that you do not need to marry the first person you become involved with or become familiar with. You cannot even begin to appreciate a person until you have learned who it is that they are. That learning does not take three minutes.
You cannot find a mould that men ‘ought’ to fit in this day and age, their role is varied. There are providers and protectors, there are hands-on dads and house-husbands. There are workaholics and sugar-daddies. There are a lot of men dealing with women who have daddy issues. Perhaps the women with daddy issues were deprived of that ‘protected’ feeling as children. Perhaps theirs’ were absent fathers. Shy fathers. Scared fathers. Aggressive fathers. The balance in society is out. There are too many females seeking protection in a world whose hard currency is women. If ever there was a catch 22, that is it. That means women need to become stronger still, work smarter. This world is in flux and those who do not change with it stand to lose their futures.
Women are entitled to protect themselves from every kind of abuse. How they do that is their enterprise. Men are as entitled as women are, to protect themselves. It is vital to know that you cannot make vulnerable a person who stands for themselves. Standing for yourself is like suiting up in armour. It is an act of courage. A wise idea. When you get to a place where you expect ultimate protection from none other than yourself and the tools made available to you, you are stronger than any abuser, any violator’s tactics. Do not allow yourself to be belittled, no matter who you are. Protect yourself from others’ bitterness and protect yourself from becoming a mere number here on Earth. There is more to life than being a number.
Growth – when it comes to you – is not something that you should try to shrug off. It is persistent and it will stick with you, beside you, until you allow it in and you invite it to change your circumstances. Without growth you go nowhere. The most common reaction to growth – initially – is resistance. Who wants pain? Not one among us, I am sure. However, pain is an inevitable part of growth in most instances. In order to stretch and reach higher, further, than you have ever reached before, you need to invite yourself to grow. You must meet your boundaries, exceed them.
There are countless ways to grow yourself. You can start by facing your fears. That is usually a very effective way to develop your character and grow your human being. Facing fears starts with acknowledging that you have them, firstly. If you should have no fears at all, then consider yourself extremely fortunate. Yours is the ideal space to be in. We are all driven to that space, the place where fears are merely a considered reaction to a situation. If you can stand outside your fears and watch them going on you will find that you are in a much better position to deal with them, to let them go.
Growing means you will need more room to keep yourself. That can mean literally a larger space in which to confine your physical form, or more headspace to accommodate your ‘larger’ mind. Your ‘opened’ mind. An opened mind takes up a lot of space, it has mazes of doors that you will need to open, each of them so you can grow. You have to be brave enough to open the doors, to walk through them. You will change every time you do. That is a frightening concept for some people. It really shouldn’t be. The more you change, the more you grow and since growth is what we are all aiming at on planet Earth – for it is through growth that we will achieve every one of our end goals – the braver you must become each time you discover that it is your turn to grow.
Transition is an interesting phase. It is closure on one level, and the opening up of a brand new vista on another. Transitions in life – and you will have a few – may cause you to lose the reference points with which you have become familiar. You will need to establish new reference points and you will need to be pragmatic about the process of saying goodbye to the old ones. Reference points only serve you for the duration of their lifespan, there is no need to be sentimental about starting afresh.
Transition is about changing. Again – respect that change is life. That is the one reality you cannot escape. The more precious we are about holding on to our personal ‘history’, the more difficult it is to embrace change. Be selective about what you are precious about. Transitions do not come without warning, but they do happen without your permission. They come at exactly the right time. It is wise to accept their arrival.
Transition is about growing, too. This can be a seamless process, you can expand your capacity without it being painful. Often, it is painful. You are pushing yourself to capacity, and beyond – which hurts. There is always the beyond. There is always something extra where you expect to be empty. You just have to find the courage to go there. You become what you are meant to be through transition. Each transition, a success. No matter how you respond to the transition that is sent to change you, change you will. So that is success.
Death is one of life’s transitions. Viva la vista.
Start by asking yourself how much you know about this planet you inhabit. Its people. Its animals. Its problems. How much do you know about yourself? It is easy to assume that you know everything there is to know about who you are, since you are the one who has lived with you since birth, but in each of us there remains the unknown. There are aspects of ourselves that lie dormant, waiting patiently for the push it will take to wake them up. That push comes from facing adversity. From loving with everything you have. From procreating. From creating. We are all creators. Take pleasure – and pride – in your creation: your life. If you cannot feel pride about your life then you understand you are on the wrong path, wasting your potential. If you cannot feel positive about your days and the place you find yourself in them, then you realise you need to adjust your thinking. You cannot avoid having to modify your thoughts when you want to take yourself out of a mediocre situation. There is not one of us who should accept mediocrity. If your life is mediocre, fix it. It has the potential for excellence. You should want to find the best in yourself. If you do not feel that need, you should perhaps question your purpose on this planet. If you cannot define your purpose, you need to find one. You cannot go from dawn until dusk each day without true purpose.
Others are helpful when it comes to making us aware. Be willing to take another’s opinion on board, sometimes it will be your saving grace. If a person is brave enough to tell you what you don’t want to hear, respect their courage and do your best to impact the assessment. If you do not trust the person who is giving you their opinion, then do not bother taking their words to heart. Use them as exercise, emotional exercise. It is easy. You will know if someone is criticising you, or giving you feedback. You cannot mistake the feeling of being criticised. Be grateful for feedback when it is objective, honest. Do not accept insults, accept the truth.
In your awareness, make space for further awareness. Expand your capacity. Know that your mind is eager to stretch itself to accommodate the new. Be curious about who you are in relation to other people. We are not all the same, but we are a collective. Your differences are your distinction. Similarities are sweet, comfortable, routine. They make us feel safe. A difference makes a difference. Find your best in your distinction. You will not find your best when you sit in the ditch with the rest of humanity whining about the world owing you a living. The world owes you nothing. You owe you. It is important to realise that giving in this world is what is required right now. Giving is vital for a person’s well-being. Until every single person on this planet is in a position to give (something back), we have a problem – an imbalance. When you give nothing, you get nothing. When you have nothing, you cannot give. It’s a vicious circle.
The thing to know is that the world does not pick up man’s mess. The world moves along at a pace unchanged. Time ticks as fast as it always did, we only have twenty-four hours in each day. Make sure you use your hours for the betterment of yourself, of others. Be aware of your wants, your needs. Be aware of what you say, to whom. What you have to say for yourself, tells.
If you do not have it, you must cultivate the will to face all things. That means facing your fears. Fears are deceptive. Realise that before you realise anything else. They give the impression that they are material because they feel as real as any feeling you may have. Fear – as a feeling – is a powerful motivator. There is a lot of news about giving your feelings a miss, that they are not to be allowed to dominate your everyday. I put it to you that you are a human being. How can you not be dominated by your feelings? Even serial killers are under the control of their feelings. It is the rush of death that keeps them doing what they do. That rush is within. A feeling. The same rush you or I might feel when we succeed at something that is important to us. To complement will, you need courage. Fortitude. Courage comes in many shapes and sizes. Feelings, too.
You cultivate will through pointing out to yourself the positives in any given situation. The positives engender hope, and we all work well when we allow ourselves to hope. We can find the will to strive towards something that is better than where we find ourselves now. Hoping for the best outcome for yourself in whatever predicament you might find yourself is one of the simplest things you can do to change your patterns of thinking. Instead of dreading an impending disaster (even if there is one coming), or imagining the worst possible scenario that could present itself – try imagining for once that things are going to work out the way you need them to. I am talking about the big picture. You need to practice focussing on the big(ger) picture. The realities you are a part of are stepping stones across a wide, strong river. You can choose to see this and use the stones to cross over or you can stay back on the riverbank for eternity. I would suggest that you do not stay on the bank. Take a step into the river and stand for a moment, feel the movement around you. That is who you are in this world.
The unexpected can weaken our will. When we are faced with surprises in life we tend towards a brief panic and then a desperate clinging to anything in the vicinity that is familiar. We cling to our conditioning, to our behaviours, to our beliefs. To other people. We must learn not to cling to other people. That is like a drowning man drowning his rescuer. We need to learn that life surprises (of the startling variety) all contain learning. Step back when they happen and see where your instincts take you. We are forced to use our initiative when dealing with the new. Initiative is valuable, nurture your nature.
Remember, too, that our will needs to get us through adversity. It needs to take us through our worst, when it comes. And it always comes. The thing to remember is that it always goes. That come and go, ebb and flow, is life living for you. Appreciate its miracle. Appreciate that your worst is only ever as bad as your good is good. The higher your highs, the lower your lows. That is equilibrium.
The wise thing to do when faced with adversity is to accept it. That is the first thing to do. After you have accepted it, you can decide how to proceed through it. Adversity is not averse to confrontation. Learn to hit back at it. I think resistance is the most common reaction when it comes to adversity. Accept that you will resist it. It’s natural. Then watch it for a while, work out how best to penetrate its shell. Adversity always carries heavy armour. If you can see at the outset how to get beneath this armour then you will save yourself time and you will save yourself pain. You will expose at its core its purpose – to challenge, strengthen you. To bring you to a new understanding. Adversity is a worthy adversary. If you understand its lesson before it turns your life inside out then you can transcend its negativity. It’s possible to rise above your trials while they’re happening. This is a skill you can cultivate and you can put it to good use in your everyday.
Do you tend to your troubles with a dedicated mind or a mind distracted by every other thing? The problem is when you are distracted by every other thing. Troubles, when they come, like undivided attention. It is important, however, that you do not give them undivided attention for too long. Then they become bigger than they were when they arrived. The challenge is to keep them from growing and escalating. It takes mind control and a deep faith in the power you hold over yourself to receive adversity in good faith and prevent it from swallowing you whole. Do not allow your mind to wander down dark alleyways all day, unsupervised. Be aware of what you are thinking, when you are thinking it. Keep the negatives in perspective. They are a part of your day, that is all. Do not allow them to be more than a part of your day.
Your mind is particularly helpful when it comes to mapping your actions, if you bother to ask it why it makes you do what you do. I do believe in mind over matter. I think the power of the mind should never be underestimated. Not in adults, and most certainly not in our today-children. Are you aware how fast their synapses are firing? Their little brains are eager, ready for their world. We need to trust that they have evolved, ready. We need to defer sometimes to their judgement. This world is theirs to inherit.