Author Archives: C.J. Birch

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About C.J. Birch

I was born on Thursday 13th July 1972 in Harare, Zimbabwe, to an English father and a South African mother. I was christened Catherine Jane Birch and - from the outset - I've been inquisitive about most of life's elemental questions; its myriad paradoxes and unpredictable anomalies, their sources, solutions and their propensity for unmitigated change. From a very young age I was captured by the enigmatic life process, the challenge of living and what it 'means' to be alive. I spent countless invaluable hours in nature, watching the world at its work. I had a fascination for everything around me, curious about what things were, how and why they worked, what they represented in relation to one another. I began writing at the age of 5. Journals, stories and poetry, illustrations, have been a constantly evolving source of quiet self-reflection, expansive expression throughout my life. I'm fortunate to have travelled many miles, to have visited a variety of differing destinations and though I've learned a lot about life in the last 50 years, my questions about its complexities are neverending. I currently live in the south-east of England, having returned to the United Kingdom after a particularly harrowing period of 7 allegedly 'invisible' or 'non-existent' years of absolute hell in Kwazulu Natal, South Africa. I've decided to erase those memories, altogether. My 15-year-old son lives in Switzerland, with his father.
03 Nov 2015 · 17:10

Love Letters

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9.

THE NOTION OF OUT-LOVING ONE ANOTHER

Once upon a very long time ago, there popped up a beautiful concept.

How – on this earth – to out-love one another?

It was an inspired idea.  It was worth pursuing.

So I chased it up awhile.

Out-loving anything begins at home.  Like charity.

And accountability.

…

When I count to 9 I see 3.  Of 3.  I’m pleased.  I should.

it’s like 20/20 vision but better.  Or, a thrice of triangles.

I would in that context say it was 49/51, to me.

That translates, now, into 102%.

How?

The 2% that makes a difference, is invisible.

…

I do believe that I know I could sustain myself in this way until ever.  And a day.

I am good to myself like that.

Yes.  Love is Epic.  Operatic.  A little bit spastic.

And call Love a retard.  On a level, it is.

In fact, call it whatever the fuck you like.

Love – IS Love – is love.

…

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02 Nov 2015 · 13:09

Love Letters

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8.

A LOVE OF AGES

There are a few points of reference in every life.

Each one is vital.

Points segue, or they should.  Smoothly.

Like a slipstream follows the path of least resistance.

Step only into the slipstream with which you are familiar.

Stay behind the guide that you trust.

…

Romeo and Juliet fired the family Ides ago.

They left them with the gladiators and took a sabbatical.

It was called individuation, in parts.

In others, it was called Love.

Luckily the gladiators were into training.

They taught the family some values.

…

Frankenstein’s monster killed Frankenstein’s bride.  Why?

Because he begged the question.

I believe he got the right answer.

Ultimately, his bride did too.

Frankenstein met his death with a gasp of surprise.

I am not quite sure why.

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02 Nov 2015 · 11:04

Realisations – Blog No. 31

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Some realisations hit hard, like being knifed in the heart.  Others flood your being with relief.  It is the latter in which we – as a sentient people – find refuge.  That refuge for a time provides respite, it strengthens us against the next onslaught of negativity.  Negativity is bound to come and go, it is persistent in its attempts to contaminate the everyday.  Let it come.  Watch it go.  That is how to build up your resistance.  Practice does not necessarily guarantee perfection, but it gets you a lot closer to it than sitting wishing for expertise to strike you like lightning.

You will have realisations that cause you pain in this life.  I suppose that is the sad reality.  The happy reality is that one day you will come to realise that the pain was not a waste of time.  Nothing ever is, if you do it properly.  Your happy realisations will depend on who it is that you are.  What makes us wholly happy as individuals is quite specific.  What makes us sad is usually group therapy.  As it happens.

Realisations, both good and bad, are vital for the growth of our understanding – they are never to be used for overstanding.  When you learn something new, or you are shown a different way to do or improve something, you share that knowledge with those you know who will benefit from it.  You do not waste time sharing it with those who do not need to know because for them there is no benefit in repetition.  In fact, there is no point telling those people anything even once, but do it anyway.  Their deafness is not your problem, but it will save you sleepless nights in your future past.

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30 Oct 2015 · 11:59

Insults – Blog No. 30

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It is not difficult to become offended by what we hear – or imagine – are insults directed at our person, particularly because as humans our diversity means that different things piss off different people.  Words and gestures in one culture may mean something positive, encouraging.  In other customs the same words could be curses.  It pays in delicate situations to know which words not to use – to hold your tongue when you are unsure of how your words will be interpreted – as much as it is helpful to speak openly when you know that certain words must be heard.

There are those who find swearing insulting to their ears.  There are those that find piety to be a violation.  Others cannot abide defiant women, advocating a woman’s submission because it demonstrates ‘respect’.  It is interesting that some people find insulting the idea of outspoken women, as if a woman’s word cannot be taken as seriously as a man’s in a man’s world.  Rudeness, on the other hand, is insulting to everyone, on every level.  Usually, rudeness is not necessary – it is a choice, a kind of thoughtlessness.  Like it is a choice not to respond to it.

The way it usually goes is that this one insults that one, and that one retaliates.  Anger is generated.  Then this one spits more insults and that one impacts them.  Anger intensifies.  That one then vents again with a poisonous diatribe in an attempt to annihilate this one.  Tempers flare, faces rage.  And then with a concerted effort one side – either this one or that one – decides not to respond to the provocation.  In a moment, the conflict is over.  No matter your own anger, your fury, your hatred – you cannot force a disciplined mind to fight.

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29 Oct 2015 · 14:14

Cultivating contentment – Blog No. 29

contentment

Contentment comes from deep within.  That fact cannot be disputed.  It comes, too, from how well you handle the projections you send into your future for yourself.  When you are contented, the frequency at which you resonate becomes consistent with the rhythm of the greater universe.  In that instance – in those cases – you need do nothing but experience the bliss that comes with understanding that we really are in charge – in control – of our own happiness.  Trusting is a vital component of happiness and happiness is a vital component of contentment.

Contentment does not arrive on your doorstep unannounced.  It has quite rigorous conditions for its existence and is not one of those things that happens without warning.  The warnings are the hardships faced along the way to contentment.  When you look at your difficulties in that light, you can feel relieved because the challenges you face daily become affirmations of better times to come.  They assert that the future we require, the one in which we all have a say, is on its way.  There is no happier thought than that, no better outcome.  That is why we work towards contentment.

Contentment has quite a few components that contribute to its achievement.  Peace, naturally, is one such aspect.  Happiness, is another.  There are methods for getting contented.  You cannot simply step into its space, it is not a one-size-fits-all feature readily available.  It requires the near-perfect balance of your person, and that level of accuracy requires a plan.  You cannot reach near-balance without one.  And you cannot reach contentment without a plan-ful of balanced aspects.

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26 Oct 2015 · 09:36

Timbuktu – Blog No. 28

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As a child, when I discovered that Timbuktu was a real place – that it actually existed – I was delighted.  For me, that put paid to the fallacy of urban myths and legends.  I grew inclined to listen to them all because in part each one tells a truth.  There is always comfort in the truth, no matter what the cost.  The truth IS what brings inner peace – eventually.  Before peace comes the inevitable facing of facts and figures, the empirical equation-solving.  If you are an empiricist, yippee for you.  I, fortunately, am not one of those.  My truths come hard, and fast, and I assimilate them quickly.  You can do that when you trust yourself implicitly.

If you should find yourself in a predicament, not knowing which way to head except Timbuktu, it is helpful to remember that Timbuktu is absolutely the arse end of nowhere.  It may take the longest time to get there but when you do, you will understand why it takes such a long time to arrive.  Timbuktu is home to a great many wayward pilgrims.  It is the resting place of the brave.  And ‘resting’ in my world is not synonymous with ‘dead’.  It means repose.  Reflection.  Ultimately, contentment.

I think the houses in Timbuktu are probably invisible.  Like its people.  That is why Timbuktu became an urban legend – because no one ever got there before, or saw it.  It decided it would one day become real, like a town on a map.

And that – is actualisation.

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20 Oct 2015 · 15:03

Ears – Blog No. 27

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When there are ears hung on a stick like a carrot, and you are expected to chase them like a superstitious idiot would – to get their message and send yours – do not involve yourself in the chase.  In fact – set fire to the stick.  And the carrot.  And if there is any further doubt, set fire to yourself.

When you find ears that listen, but deliberately do not hear, cut those ears immediately from your circle of influence.  You do not need them.  Those ears are the ones that filter from the actual only the fantasy they want to believe.  When you can only hear what you want to hear, you are really of little consequence in the big scheme of things.  It is important to hear everything.  You cannot pick and choose when it comes to suffering – if you are a decent human being.  If you are not a decent human being, you may as well set fire to yourself in anticipation of what is to come.  We cannot bother about people who only hear what they are told.  We need those who hear what they are NOT told.

I would hazard a guess that those who ‘edit’ what they hear, or manipulate its message to suit their own agenda, will be hoisted by their own petard.  i.e. their vain attempts to subvert another will explode in their faces and expose their lies.  The thing to know is that when you blow ‘yourself’ up – or blow off ‘your’ door – your truth comes out whether you like it or not.  That can be painful.  You had better hope that you like – or are in favour of – your truth.  If you are not, you will not last.  It is that simple – given that ‘you’ – yourself – are deciding your fate.  Be happy with your choices in life.  They define you.

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19 Oct 2015 · 10:03

Stone-walling – Blog No. 26

stonewalling

Stone-walling is an effective preventative unless you are faced with the holy ghost – in which case walls mean nothing.  They are about as much of a defence as an alibi that never checks out.  Otherwise, stone-walling is a skill worth learning.  You can sense the shut-down in people you meet with relative ease if you can recognise the sign in their eyes.  Eyes are indeed windows to the soul, when they are flung open from within.  Open from without is one thing – from within, something totally different.  That is why there is a saying:  eyes wide shut.  It means to be a sleep-walker.

Stalling is another stone-walling technique that has been proven useful with past application.  It is annoying for most people, particularly those sitting in a getaway vehicle.  However, stalling for the purpose of greater understanding is not only sometimes necessary, it is wise.  There is always someone who knows more than you do.  Never forget that.  If you value learning, you will treasure the experiences of those who know more than you do.  It is simple.  At every turn in life you need to make full use of all the resources made available to you.  It is helpful if you can recognise a resource.

When you have been stone-walled, it is like hearing the words:  check mate.  You may as well concede defeat.  Unless you are the holy ghost, in which case defeat means nothing.

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16 Oct 2015 · 12:19

Tokens – Blog No. 25

tokens

I was imagining a world that existed like this:

Each person’s wealth – that has been gained from ‘earning a living’ – is converted into tokens redeemable only by the ‘earner’, in an attempt to demonstrate who has what in this world.  You carry around a bag with your tokens in it, showing how ‘valuable’ you are as a community asset.  Then – surprise, surprise – the air you breathe becomes costly.  You have to insert tokens into a local ‘breathing machine’ in order to have fresh air pumped – in a puff – into the atmosphere so that all living things can draw breath.  At first there are communal machines – anyone can put tokens in to make sure that we can all breathe.  Everyone does so with enthusiasm.  We all have tokens, well, hopefully we have all earned a few, and we use them as is necessary.  Those with tokens put them willingly in – in a fairly democratic fashion, no doubt.  I put one – you put one.  Etc.

Then the majority starts to run short of tokens.  The air is getting tight, difficult to breathe.  Like molasses.  Those with big bags of tokens begin to become selfish.  They resent putting extra tokens into the ‘breathing machine’ – despite the fact that they have plenty extra – when there are others that no longer ‘contribute’ to the air everyone breathes.  The ones with tokens believe the ones without tokens should suffocate.  They should die because they did not earn enough tokens to keep them alive.  They believe this, despite the fact that they – and those ‘lazy time-wasters’ – share the same breathing space.  The point is:  without the ‘time-wasters’ – the dreamers, the believers, the lovers – the elite and their breathing would not even be a problem that needed contemplating on this planet.

Then – considering all – I came to the conclusion that human beings, being what they are, would never have condoned the manufacture of communal ‘breathing machines’.  The capitalist mindset that manipulates the actions of the too-wealthy elite – those ‘with’ money – would have ensured at the outset that only individual ‘breathing machines’ were made, those that were built to the individual’s specifications.  I am quite certain that those with enough tokens and their bespoke ‘breathing machines’ would be quite happy to watch with a ‘dejected’ sigh those without tokens who fall by the roadside and expire.  I mean – if you are wealthy and well-connected you cannot be expected to save every piece of crap lying around on the planet, can you?

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13 Oct 2015 · 16:02

Worldly – Blog No. 24

worldly

Are you worldly wise?  Do you tap into – and take maximum advantage of – all the ways of this world at every given opportunity?  Or do the ways of this world confuse you?  More importantly, when tempted to tap in and take what you can from the planet in the smash-and-grab pattern that mankind seems to favour, do you question your own integrity when you choose to take that advantage?  Any decent human should.  The world is not here for your convenience.  It is not here to be taken advantage of.  If you should have any sense of morality you will probably find the notion of taking advantage of anything objectionable, but there are numerous ways in which even decent people overcome their strongest objections to exploitation when they happen to be involved in said exploitation and it happens to suit their future agenda.  The sternest advocates of ‘fair play’ and those committed to ‘sustainable resources’ are quick to swallow their words and hide their objections when faced with the prospect of missing out on the benefits that less scrupulous members of society seem to enjoy when they take time to take maximum advantage of everything that is on offer.

Worldly weary is another term with which many of us are familiar.  I would hazard a guess that at least three quarters of the people inhabiting this planet are in some way worldly weary, i.e. tired of life.  That does not surprise me.  It is difficult to find motivation to be as light-hearted as you need to be in a world like this – a place filled with bigots, sick idiots and the ubiquitous hater.  It is hard to bother to care about anything at all, when faced with the kind of annihilation that humankind is keen to visit upon the only home it will ever have.  It is a challenge for a great many people to find enough inspiration in their everyday to stay alive and fight for the future when there is little in this environment that inspires a love of life.  Our understanding is that life is a chore:  the best human beings can do is to get through it.  Do or die – at least there is an alternative.  It is time humans understood that their love of destruction is not only contagious, but dangerously addictive to every successive generation.  It is an epidemic.  As are warring, hatred and pain.  Soon we will all be begging to see the end of days instead of any resurrection.  What – if anything – is the point in resurrecting anything that hates itself as much as this world evidently does?  There is no point.  That is like trying to wake a dead dog to make it eat.

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